I should have learned to sew...

I should have learned to sew. It's what has been going through my mind these past few weeks as I get ready to return to work. "I should have learned to sew! Then I could stay home and make all kinds of cute baby clothes to sell online and make money that way. So I could stay home with my baby." 

Truth is: I suck at crafts. I mean, I make a few good things, but let's face it. I'm an impatient person who hates going through a process slowly and carefully. I'd rather head full-force into something at 100 mph, in a tank, on caffeine. That's how I am. I get things done and done quickly. So sewing would be the death of me. Besides, why waste 4 years making something I can go buy today?!

Time to move on to Plan B. "I should look into becoming a nanny. That way I can just take my daughter with me and hey, I'm already watching one child, what's three or four?" Know what three or four is? THREE OR FOUR. I've already been through my days of watching other children. I was fifteen. And there was no other way to make money. So...that scratches that plan. What now?

Well, it took a LOT of thinking, kicking, fighting, researching, envying and finally, surrendering. You see, I'm not a seamstress. But my Lord is. He's knitting together a wonderful piece of His plan through my obedience to Him. I'm also not a nanny. But I will have a chance to love and show kindness to God's children through my interactions at work.

Believe me, I would rather be waking up early to get a bottle ready than get my hair and face ready for work. I'd rather smell like formula, sweat or spit-up than smell of sweet perfume. I'd rather be wearing my pajamas the entire day than wear my name tag. But it's just not so. It's not MY calling. It's not MY plan either.

As I sit here and type, my baby girl is sleeping right next to me, quietly sucking her thumb and dreaming. I look at her and think how on earth I will get through this? Will she remember me after being gone for 10-11 hours a day? Will she still find comfort in my arms? Will I be able to focus on my job rather than worry about her every minute of my day? Right now, I don't know these answers. I don't know how I will feel. I can't say that I won't cry when I re-enter my building and punch in for the day. I can't say that I won't shed a tear when I see a customer walk in with their baby. But I CAN say that I know who is in control. I know that I have faced extremely hard times in my life before and have thought the same way-how will I ever get through this? I just WILL.

It is the hope I have deep inside my heart that keeps my fear in check. I know that as a child of God, my heart is laid out wide open for the Lord and He KNOWS it's deepest desires. Just because the Lord didn't call me to sew or nanny or simply stay at home as a full-time mom doesn't mean He doesn't love me or hear my prayers. It also doesn't mean that I won't get to stay home someday.

It's just not today.

Maybe tomorrow, maybe next year, maybe the next child. But the bible does tell me to keep on asking! Keep on praying, keep on knocking! There's that hope I was referring to! The Lord WANTS me to continue to build my faith and KEEP ON KEEPING ON! :) He's no genie in a lamp. He doesn't grant three wishes and is done. He answers our prayers. Our consistent prayers. "...the earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results." James 5:16

"Keep on asking and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking and you will find. Keep on knocking and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7

My heart is aching, my eyes are teary, and my mind is anxious. But my God is FAITHFUL. I know this journey is new and uncertain, but I can rest in the midst of it all. There is so much more to learn through this all than what I imagine it to be. So much bigger a picture than what I can dream. So much greater a reward than I can fathom. That's exciting!

So with that said, I've decided to compile a list of things that I want to do with my daughter on my days off. Things that I love doing now with her, that I know I will miss getting to do everyday. I will make the most of the 2 days a week that she is all mine, all day. Here's what I have so far and I would LOVE to see more suggestions!

1. On my days off, I let her nap on my chest. It doesn't happen all the time because I've got laundry to do, food to prepare, a bed to make, etc. Day off? She sleeps soundly on mama's chest, next to her heart where she belongs.

2. I sing, read and play with her. I don't sit her in front of her favorite video all day or put her on her playmat so I'm free to do chores all day. I enjoy my time with her and make memories.

3. I refrain from social media, internet, TV, etc. as much as possible. She has my full attention.

4. I laugh with her.

5. I will have a heart of gratitude and not one of spite or jealousy.

6. I keep asking, keep seeking, keep knocking and keep hoping.




"I should have learned to sew..." Ha! What was I thinking?!

It Pays to be Faithful!

The closer I get to returning to work, the harder I kick and the louder I scream. I know the inevitable is just around the corner and I'm still naively thinking that somehow money will come raining down from the sky and I'll be able to stay at home with my baby and collect the "drops" each day so my husband won't question how food will appear on our table. My money rain idea may be naive, but my faith in God is not. Do I want to go back to work? No. Do I want to do His will before mine? Yes. This verse came to mind earlier today as I was reflecting on the study from church this past Sunday evening. Our Pastor was using it in his study of financial responsibilities, but I love that this verse can be applied to pretty much anything in life. It is with each small step, that we show God our desire to do His work and heed to His calling. Some of these situations may not be what we envision for our life, but since when do we get to make those choices?

I have so many friends who get to stay home with their children. So many opportunities to be jealous of their lives. To be envious of THEIR calling on THEIR life. Has the Lord not heard my prayer? Has He not seen my tears? Of course He has! And He promises to see me through! He has called each of us to something different. He has given each of us different talents and gifts. And He created each of us for a unique purpose. What my SAHM friends are able to do each day, I am not. What I am able to do each day, they are not. But we can all be successful and accomplish so much if we surrender to what the Lord has called us to do.

Trusting God is easy when things are easy. It is in times that are more difficult, that we truly get to put our words into action. Trust becomes not just something that is talked about, but is lived out each day. And the bible says that if we are faithful in the small things, we will be faithful in the big things. God knows I yearn to be with my daughter each day. And in spite of that, He has called me to work to show my faithfulness to Him. He's given me an opportunity each day to wake up and say, "Okay Lord, where do you want me today? Who do you want me to talk to? How can I express your love to others?" Faithfulness. It's hard! But it promises to be rewarding.

I encourage you to see beyond your present circumstances and ask God to reveal to you His plan and how you can learn to be faithful in the small things first-it will take you many places!

The Countdown Begins...

Let's face it. Working full-time has its payoffs. Benefits, decent pay, vacation time, and hey. The 40+ hours per week that you're not changing diapers, wiping spit-up, or making bottles. But how can you convince yourself that working full-time benefits your family when you've become a mother? Perhaps even for the first time, like myself. Sitting in the doctor's office as I received the news that I was, in fact, pregnant (I needed a doctors pee stick to confirm my own 2 were indeed accurate) came with a rush of feelings and concerns. And one of the first concerns I had was my employment. Would there be a way that I could afford to stay at home? Or could I work part-time? Who would my son or daughter stay with if I returned to work? All of these questions flooded my mind and continued to haunt me throughout my pregnancy, and even occasionally mock me as I count down the days til I return to my full-time status in a matter of weeks. 3 weeks and 1 day to be exact. 

Now don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly thankful for my job. I love what I do, I love who I work with, I have such an amazing team who supports me on every level. But my baby girl? She's got those baby blue eyes that shine so brightly I get lost in them for hours. Her smile soothes even my most grumpy of moods. When she grabs my finger with her entire hand, I forget all about the outside world and it's responsibilities. And when she sleeps, I silently stroke her head and cry a little, knowing that I won't be able to spend each waking hour with her when I clock back in for work soon. We ran the numbers and hubby and I agreed we just can't afford for me to cut my hours down to part-time, much less cut out working all together. (Who knew growing up would be so expensive?!) So, now that I've decided to stop kicking and screaming and have accepted the fact that I will be a working class mom, it's time to prepare myself with the support I will need to get me through the hardest of times approaching. 

This blog will serve to be a system of support for any mothers out there that have to wake up each morning and kiss their children goodbye as they rush out the door to tend to the outside world and all that it brings. (Special shout out to those in retail-lucky us!!) Here's to those mothers that feel the pang of guilt as their child reaches for them while being handed to caregiver. Here's to those mothers who have to swallow their words when they hear Stay-At-Home-Moms complaining about needing space from their everyday life and the kids and the cooking and the cleaning. (I love my SAHM friends btw!) I want to encourage you Working-class moms out there, that it is OK to work full-time. You're providing for your children that you drop off at 5 am and pick up at 6:30 pm. You're teaching your child responsibility, hard work, the value of the dollar, so many things! And not that a SAHM doesn't teach this and more, the working mom teaches this silently. Throughout 8 grueling hours, 5 days a week. The working mom must demonstrate an attitude of commitment, strength and pride as she punches in for the day and spends her lunch hour wishing it was full of SAHM duties, instead of crunching numbers or designing closets for those SAHM's. 

As a Christian woman, I've had to really look up to God and say each day, "Lord I trust in You. I trust that Your plan far exceeds mine and that I have been called to serve you as a full-time employee AND a full-time mom." Ephesians 3:20-21 says "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." I cling to this verse each time I pray for a way to stay at home with my baby girl. I am also reminded though, that the Lord will give me the strength I need and the power to overcome my own selfish ambitions and emotions that beckon me to sulk in my sorrows rather than count my blessings. After all, there are plenty of people out there BEGGING for work. How could I be anything but thankful? You see, the Lord is my employer. I work for HIM. I may clock in and out, I may receive a paycheck that states my earnings and what I contribute to the government, but ultimately, its God who signs my paycheck. And I'm not giving my two-week notice. I'm not cutting down my hours. Because I've been called to submit 40 hours a week to opportunities to show Christ's love to a world in need of closets, kitchenware, storage needs, etc. (Can anyone guess where I work??) I have been asked by God to devote my time away from home, immersing myself in society and reach a whole set of people I would never encounter as a SAHM. 

So once I realized that it's in fact Christ who signs my paycheck, I can accept the position that lies ahead. It will be tough. It will bring tears. It will tear at my heart strings. But it will bless others. And myself. One very obvious blessing is the joy it will bring my mom, my mother-in-law and my grandma who have all signed up to provide daycare for my daughter! This is 40 hours a week that my daughter will spend building relationships with a family that very much loves her. She will learn all sorts of life lessons and from many different perspectives! Talk about something I couldn't give her all by myself! What a BLESSING! Reflect on the blessings. Those little things that can easily be forgotten in the workplace. Remember it is no longer about you, but what is best for your child(ren). And they will be OK! Working-class moms...YOU'VE GOT THIS! 

Romans 8:18 "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." 

For additonal perspective and support, please visit the following links:
http://www.parents.com/parenting/work/life-balance/moms-balance-work-family/
http://thehumbledhomemaker.com/2012/11/being-a-working-mom-when-you-really-want-to-stay-at-home.html

Check back soon for more helpful tips, updates and support from The Working Class Mom